I just need a week off to re-group. Feeling overwhelmed. Promise I will be back by next Monday with some quality content for dat ass. Thanks for understanding. XOXOX Samantha

I recently got back on birth control and I’m feeling like it’s more important now than it’s ever been before in my life. Getting pregnant right now would be a catastrophe…because I would probably want to have the baby. So I’m on something called Loestrin and if there was a T.V commercial for this product it would go something like this…

“Do you love having your period? Well with Loestrin you can have your period not once, but twice a month. Just a week into your pill cycle you’ll experience moderate to severe bleeding. Telling your husband you’re on your period all the time can now be a way of life. Shopping for Tampons never felt so good. Ask your doctor about Loestrin.”

Ok, obviously this is not the pill for me. I’m sure it was recommended to me because the doctor gets kick backs from the pharmaceutical company. I was told the pill would give me lighter and shorter periods. Ha! This has been a nightmare and I’m actually pretty pissed about it.

I feel comfortable with the pill because it’s what I’ve always used for birth control. It never failed me. I’m not into the idea of having something implanted in my body and condoms aren’t for us. A diaphragm sounds messy. Let’s talk Birth Control!

Exhibit A: Seven months after baby. I just went and got the trashiest and tightest dress I could find in my closet and took this picture to articulate the current state of my bod. Sure, I could absolutely look better in this dress but the fact that I even feel comfortable putting it on means everything.

Exhibit B: One month after giving birth to Lola. The only clothes I could fit into were sweats and dudes t-shirts. In this picture I’m making a half-ass attempt at exercising in my living room to Wii Fit. At the time, I felt as horrible about my body as I look in the picture. Yikes!

I am proud to announce that I have finally lost all the baby weight! Let me tell you, this was no easy task. I’m not one of those chicks who three months after having a baby annoyingly bounces back to her pre-pregnancy figure. It wasn’t that was the first time and it wasn’t that way this time. Two months ago I decided to get down to business and get my body back. Look, I’m 5′1 one and when I gain weight it is clearly visible. I weighed something like 170 lbs when I gave birth. I was 125 when I got pregnant. Ideally I’d like to be a fit 118. Also, I’m no fitness buff, so in the past, looking good for me took either serious dieting or serious partying. Since I can no longer live on a diet of ciggies, carrots and vodka I had to go the diet and exercise route.

The first thing I did was get a gym membership. In June I started  spinning. Spinning is intense and downright dreadful at times, but man do you get results. Also the gym I joined has babysitting which is a necessity in my situation. No excuses. The spinning was going ok and I was getting to the gym about 2-3 times a week. But the next step I took really got things moving. A month and a half ago I joined a kickboxing gym called CKO. The gym is across the street from my parents house. My mom offered to watch the kids while I worked out. In the past month and a half I lost the last 9 lbs of my baby weight and I’ve discovered the most incredible workout I’ve ever tried.

In a single kickboxing class you burn something like 800-1000 calories. The workout is extremely intense, but unlike spinning it fucking rules! I feel so fit and badass when I’m doing it and the vibe in the gym is incredible. Each person gets their own heavy bag and a typical workout combines jumping rope, boxing combinations, tons of squats, push-ups, sit-up variations and several other strength training maneuvers. I am fully addicted. I really feel that the kickboxing took me to the next level and it will take me beyond just losing the baby weight to having a truly awesome body. It’s also helps me at my regular gym. When I can’t make it to kickboxing I take a bunch of the moves I learned in class and incorporate them in my own workouts.

In addition to working out I’ve been watching what I eat. I’ve managed to weed out the junky foods in my diet and make healthier choices when it comes to snacking. I get to the gym or kickboxing three times a week and also try to do sit-ups, push-ups and hand weights at home. I feel amazing and my confidence is back. I’ve never enjoyed exercising but I honestly feel like a changed woman. So that’s it. I feel free. I can wear my old clothes and not feel totally gross when I get naked. What more could you want after popping out two kids!?! Yey!

O.K, this is a tough one to explain but I’m hoping I’ll be able to articulate myself here. And please forgive me if the subject keeps coming up, but it’s very much on my mind right now and I believe that by talking about it it will somehow be therapeutic and lead to some kind of solution. So here’s the deal, I feel at odds with myself right now. I have a very clear idea about the things that I want to accomplish but I’m having an incrediblely hard time committing to any one project in particular. I have a few stand out ideas, one being improving upon this blog, but for some reason I can’t push forward. These ideas, the good ones, are all clearly mapped out in my head, but somehow not flowing through my finger tips. I’m struggling. Creativly speaking, I’m just feeling lost. Sometimes I wish I could shut it all off and be happy just taking care of the kids for a while, as if that was my only job, but I’m scared to death of slipping into the parenting ether never to be heard from again. It’s not an option, nor would it make me happy.

I’ve always been one to make my ideas come to fruition, but currently I’m at a productivity stand still. It hurts. I’m overwhelmed by the pressure that I’m placing on myself to get specific projects started/done/accomplished. What’s happening to me? Is it writer’s/artist’s block? Am I lazy? Procrastinating? I refuse to believe that I can’t carve out time in my days to fulfill my creative needs. Time feels like it’s slipping away from me. I’m constantly planing, making lists and taking notes about my ideas, yet just choosing a single project to begin and run with it is becoming increasingly difficult.

I’m overflowing with creativity, always have been. Book ideas, business, fashion, publishing, marketing, art and collaborations. My head churns out ideas daily. Some for fun and others could be legitimate career moves. But why, oh why, can’t I sit down, type it, draw it, network it into a tangible thing? It’s driving me nuts and the more frustrated I become the harder it gets, and the more I cease up and become incapable of sitting down and doing something about it.

I’m fucking frustrated as hell. I realize that there are time constraints because right now my children come before me. But I’m just not satisfied solely being a SAHM. I desperately need to find a way to be a full-time mother and, at the very least, attempt to make a successful career move. Ideally, I’d ramp up the blog, hunker down and and write the novel that I’ve already clearly written  in my head, make a few simple graphic t-shirts and items for the baby/kids lifestyle line I’ve been dreaming of and create a multi-media body of artwork based on my family life (ha! ok that one may get put on the back burner).

My inspiration is as strong as it ever has been, so why can’t I motivate and make shit happen? The obvious answer is that the kids are sucking up my time, but I don’t buy it.  Am I the only one?

Apologies for the hiatus but it’s almost impossible to get anything done these days. Fritz is on Summer vacation and it’s going to take a little getting used to. Everyday that we wake up and he doesn’t need to be shuttled off to school feels strangely like a weekend. Each day requires abundant activities, well timed naps and ample play time. So, besides trying keep Fritz busy and entertained, Lola is starting to move and crawl and eat food. I’m beginning to wish I could sprout a few more pairs of arms like an Indian Goddess. I really need to prioritize and structure my days if I want to be able to do everything I need to with the kids and the house and work on this blog among other projects I have my sights set on. Plain and simple, it’s getting really fucking hard. Here’s my question: How do you get motivated after the kids are in bed? That seems to be the only realistic time to get shit done, except by that time you’re usually ready to collapse on the couch, suck down a glass of wine and call it a night. Let’s discuss!

*Editors Note: Despite his horrific behavior in this video Fritz has actually been really good for the last few days. But yea, this is the kind of ‘tude I’ve been having to put up with. Question: Do girls do shit like this?