Lola pulled out all the stops the other day. Just look at her! Rockstar! What she’s wearing…

Hoodie by American Apparel, Onsie by H&M, Skirt knitted by Grandma, Tights purchased at Sweet William, Leather Boots were a gift from Grandma

I’m not one for using the correct anatomical terminology when it comes to our privates. Like, I guess some people tell their kids ‘Son, that is your penis and daughter, that is your vagina’. I mean, I don’t know anyone who does that, but I guess some people do. Anyway, I was wondering what you all called your kids privates? I call Fritz’s ding-dong his wiener. And a while ago when he inquired about his, ahem, balls I told them honestly that they were…his balls. And his behind is his bum-bum. Obviously the subject hasn’t come up with Lola but I’m probably going to go with cha-cha. Also when Fritz eventually knew that my chest was called boobies, he started noticing that he too had little dark circles on his chest and called them boobies. I corrected him and told him boys had chests. So, what do you tell your kids they have?

This ad is from this Sunday’s New York Times. It gives twelve points on talking to your kids about your past drug use. The ad was put out by The Partnership for a Drug Free America. Wow, this is something I never gave any thought to until I saw this ad. Have I done drugs? Duh. Do I want my kids to be drug free? Of course. I do not want to lie to my kids but I certainly don’t want them to know my drug history. So what this ad suggests is not to lie but not to say too much. Frankly, this scares the shit out of me. Have I passed on my ‘party’ gene to my kids? I fucking hope not. In the past I’ve done it big. From raves to all night party action, I’ve indulged in just about every drug under the sun. I’ve put myself in many dangerous situations. Truthfully, I’m not all together proud of some of the things I’ve done and the way I abused my body. Ok, it’s not like it was all bad, I was having ‘fun’ but I think at times I could have, ahem, taken it down a notch.

Sometimes I think to myself ‘What can I do to keep my kids from doing some of the things I’ve done?’ Right now the answer is, I have no idea. As they develop into young adults, BD and I will come up with a plan. I will guide them the best way I know how. I will urge them to be strong, confidant and beautiful people. I’ll keep a watchful eye on who their friends are and be very aware of what they are up to.

All I want in this world is for my kids to be happy and safe. But eventually things will be very much out of my hands. I hate the thought of my kids doing some of the naughty things I’ve done because some of those dangerous situations I put myself in turned out ok for me, but that’s not always the case. So will I tell my kids about my drug use? Yes, I’m not going to lie but I’m not going to divulge all the sorted details. I’m actually going to use some of the advice from this advertisment. I’ll probably advise them to steer clear of hard drugs. Maybe I’ll use some scare tactics of real stories about real people I’ve known and what has happened to them. And when it comes down to it I’ll tell them to follow what I say not what I’ve done. You think they’ll buy that?

What are you going to do?

This is our jenky book review. I filmed this on photobooth so everything is flipped, not so good for reading the covers of books. But who cares, this is really all about Fritz telling you guys that every book is his favorite.

Lola is nearly three months old and I now weigh in at 135 pounds. Again let me remind you that I am five foot one. I’m pretty sure that when I gave birth I was topping out at around 17o pounds. I’ve dropped a considerable amount of weight and I’m feeling pretty good. I said pretty good, not great. I still have a ton of work to do. Idealy I’d like to be 120 but I think I got pregnant weighing 125 so it’s encoraging to know I only have ten pounds to go before I get back there.

The best thing that’s happened is that I can get into some decent clothes. I find myself rummaging through some of my old things that I’ve put away in the attic, marked pre-pregnancy, and being able to wear some of it. It was a little sad though when I thought it would be a good idea to try on a pair of my old pants and I couldn’t get them past my hips. Le sigh.

Honestly though, I totally fell off for the past two weeks and this weekend was just plain despicable. Me and BD hung around the house this cooking and eating everything in sight. I guess this cold snap got us down. For a while there I was doing great. I was exercising everyday with my EA Active exercise routine for Wii and was really noticing a difference. Then it all fell to shit. I’m not sure what happened. I’m feeling a little bummed about the whole situation considering we are going the Keys in a week and I’m going to have to get into a bathing suit. FML.

Really guys, I’m not good with the exercise. I hate it. I need to change my ‘tude about that. But  this week I’m committed to getting back on track. I’ll resume the Wii and at the very least feel good about myself before departing for the sunshine state. I’ll go to AA and purchase the least offensive one piece I can…in black. This is just how it goes I guess. It’s a bumpy road, if you will. The one good thing I can say about it is, I really think it’s going a lot quicker than it did the first time. I’m so busy running around after the kids and maintaining the house that I am actually more active than I was when I was working. So let’s see if I can shed these ten pounds by, oh say, June first?

Ok, I know Fritz gets a lot of bad press. He’s three for fucks sake. What I’m coming to learn is that that whole terrible two’s thing tends to extend well beyond the age of two. I’m hoping he levels off around four. We’ll see. He tends to have a eight to one ratio of bad to good moments in the day. So when those few scattered good moments come I cherish them like shining gold nuggets in a river bed of dirty rocks.

This morning I was cursed with having to wake up to ‘Mommmmmaaaa’ at six-thirty am but I was blessed by Fritz jumping in to bed with me and cuddling to my hearts content. BD stayed up playing video games into the wee hours and fell asleep on the couch, so I was all by my lonesome with Lola in her co-sleeper next to me. When Fritz began screaming for me I pleaded with him to get into my bed. He obliged. Normally I would turn on cartoons and try to catch a few more Z’s but I didn’t feel like listening to squeaky little cartoon voices this morning. Instead I wrapped my arm around Fritz. He settled in and gently flew his dragon above our heads.

I played with his hair and looked at his perfect profile. I admired his milky skin, taking note that there was not one single flaw on it. I felt like the queen bee with my son on my left and my beautiful sleeping baby on my right. Does it get any better than this? Playfully tickling his ribs I told Fritz how much I loved him. He returned the sentiment. Then he started singing ‘The Monster Mash’. I joined in. This led us to discuss what we wanted to be for halloween next year. Fritz decided we would all be bats. I told him that was a great idea.

We cuddled and chatted for nearly half an hour. Even though I had to get up at the ungodly hour of six thirty on a Saturday morning it was totally worth it. This was more than you could ask from any feisty three year old ready to begin his day. So I took this moment and wrapped it in pink tissue paper with a red satin bow and placed in deep down in my heart. This is what I live for. This is the ultimate joy of being a mom. So you see Fritz has his moments. Three year olds can be tender and sweet. Let’s just hope these qualities prevail. Crossing fingers.

Lisa wasn’t sure if this was exactly what I had in mind for the show off but went ahead and submitted her fetus anyway. Well, I know the first time I saw my babies sonogram pictures I thought they were the most beautiful things in the world. Ok, maybe not that one where I could just see Lola’s skull and eye sockets, that one was kinda freaky. But the first time you see that sketchy image of  your baby on that black and white T.V monitor it all becomes very, very real. That’s your baby and you are damn proud! So Lisa, of course you can show off your fetus!

Lisa’s baby is named Lily and she is six months gestated. She already has a ton of nicknames, some are Lulu, Lily Lulu Butt, My Little Bunny Rabbit, Bunny and Bun Buns. This momma and little bean hail from North Jersey. Lisa is bonding with her baby by reading “the monster at the end of this book” to her nightly. They love to eat french fries and drink OJ. And Lulu looooves to give her mum heartburn. Lisa plans on buying her a sailor suit as payback. Sucka! They’ve also been listening to the Ipod quite a bit and by the time Lulu is born she’ll probably know all the words to “Southern Girls” by Cheap Trick. And finally Lisa say’s her kid rules because…’ look at that pic - she’s picking her nose already! she knows how we do! She’s not even born yet and I already know how amazingly awesome my lulu is going to be. It melts my heart to hear her dad call her “my little girl” and I know that he’s going to teach her everything he knows about being a big ol’ nerd.’

Congratulations girl!! Make sure to keep us posted and send in a picture of you guys when she arrives!

Don’t get me wrong, I think Fritz putting on his own socks is great. I often act like it’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen in the whole world. When he’s all excited and shows me that one of his Matchbox cars is ’sleeping’ on the bookshelf, I’m like ‘Holy f*ck that’s totally amazing baby boy!’ When he starts going buck wild about the fact that he put the place-mats on the table, even though half of them are on the floor, I use my high pitched mommy voice and say “Thankkkk you darrrling. You’re such a good helper!!!’ Let’s face it, being a parent is often about feigning excitement over the most mundane things; it’s kinda our job. Ok fine, these things obviously aren’t mundane to a three year old but hey, I’ve been places, I’ve done things, picking up a pine cone doesn’t really have the same effect on me anymore.

I know, this sounds so cynical. I swear, I really do love seeing my kid discover new things and learn about this wild, wild world on his own. But if you have kids you know what I’m talking about. The first time he puts toothpaste on a toothbrush himself, it’s adorable, then it becomes a five minute ordeal and you’re putting on your overly sweet/scary/hurry the fuck up voice like’ You can do it hunny. Come on just squeeze the tube. Commmmmeeee on sweetie you can do it.’ And when the toothpaste is finally on said Thomas The Tank Engine toothbrush you act like an insane person. You clap and say in a shrill voice “GOOD JOB SWeetIEEEE!! This is what I’m talking about, the feigning of excitement. You see what used to get me genuinely excited was yelling at Courtney Love off the back of my boyfriends motorcycle. Stepping into a club with the scent of champagne, money and ecstasy in the air. I’d get kicks from purchasing a pair of shoes at Chanel or making out on rooftop. Well things have changed, oh how they’ve changed. I still get excited about things but I’m not gonna lie, I kinda fake it sometimes…for the sake of the kids.

Spring is upon us and Lola is doing it big! She says this season is all about color and prints. Who are we to argue?

Today she’s wearing, Striped Top by H&M, Sweater By Agatha Ruiz De La Prada (Thanks Sally!), Pants by Amy Coe, Socks by Trumpette and Shoes by Converse.

If you all recall, a few weeks ago, I did a post about wanting a new skin care regimen. I asked everyone what they thought in hopes of getting some tried and true advice on what really works. Well, after pouring over the thirty plus comments on that post I made a decision. The name that kept coming up over and over was Oil of Olay, or ‘Oil of Old Lady’ as some called it (brilliant). I thought to myself, hey this brand has been around for ages and they must have all the science and technology that any of the other companies have, maybe more. The price was right too. With two kids, our family is definatly on a budget and spending exorbitant amounts of money on washes and creams is sort of ridiculous when preschool bills are looming.

I went to the Oil of Olay website and took their skin care test. The test tailors a regimen of products based on your answers. When all was said and done the line of Olay product that was recommended to me was the Definity line. What I was looking for was something to help with my uneven skin tone,dark spots and fine lines. I went out and purchased the four products the test suggested. I got a cleanser, tinted moisturizer, night cream and a fourteen day intensive repair system. It all cost under a hundred bucks.

I’ve been using the products for only four days now and I swear on Lola and Fritz that I already see a difference. I love this shit! Honestly I’m astonished at how good I already feel about my skin. It seems almost impossible that in such a short amount of time the stuff is clearing my dark spots and giving me a total glow. The tinted moisturizer that I use in the morning after I cleanse gives me a super even look and is really, really light. I would haver never thought to buy my skin care products at K-mart (I am more of a Sephora girl) but I’m loving my new Olay regimen. Thanks for the advice girls!