Is Three A Crowd?

by samantha on July 16, 2012

The other day I got the news that one of my friends is pregnant with her third child. Since she told me I’ve been doing a lot of thinking myself about having a third. As a matter of fact a few months ago I ceased taking my birth control pills. I didn’t do it to get pregnant, or at least that’s what I told myself. BD and I have knocked around the idea before but never came to a final decision. But now I’m seriously weighing the pros and cons of having another baby. I also think it may be a biological clock thing. Today I was walking down the street and I thought, “Yes! I want to do it. I want another,” but am I thinking rationally?

Something happens when you see your second getting older and you realize that that’s it, they’re just growing up and you have to deal with it. There’s a little bit of a sadness there but there’s also this though to keep the party going. But is that a reason to have another? I can pretty much come up with a pro for every con, so what’s the deciding factor? Soon I have to come to terms with the fact that we have two kids and it’s enough, or I get pregnant and have another baby. So what’s it going to be? I think BD and I have some time to really give it some thought and figure out if it’s the right decision. But decisions like this are hard to make, they’re based on emotion and the reality of your situation. I’d love to hear from anyone who’s made either the hard decision to close up shop or to go for it. 

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pemora July 16, 2012 at 1:47 pm

i am about 70% sure that we will have a 3rd. our 1st is 4yo and our newbie is 13 mos….not only would i like a 3rd but i also don’t want to have the same gap in age as these 2.

i have heard that the hardest jump is in going from 2 to 3. you go from the man-to-man to zone defense….but i do like the idea of a little family of 5.

i’m curious as to what your other readers say!

Carly July 16, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I will be interested to see what other folks have to say about this…

Before I got pregnant with babe #1, I always figured that we would have a third if we got two of the same sex. But, now, having experienced morning sickness up to 18 weeks, I almost can’t imagine being pregnant more than two times.

Kri July 16, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Girl, you are one brave Mama … I can barely handle two!

Ashley C. July 16, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Samantha – I’ve been reading your blog for the last few years, we were both prego with kid’s #2 at the same time, and in some ways, I feel like you and I have had some kind of crazy parallel existence, especially in regards to the existential crisis that being a stay at home mom of 2 kids can bring. Maybe that’s what has kept me reading through the years; I can so completely relate to what you go through.

This year the little one turned 2, (my big one is nearing 7) and I feel that we have finally gained some more freedoms in life. we can go more places and do more things…I am finally starting to be comfortable in honoring my life. participating in some of my own indulgences and passions again. It finally feels like I am living in the real world again! We have a busy year ahead of us, and my fiance and I have been happily planning our destination wedding for this December.

Needless to say, I was SHOCKED when a few weeks ago, I took a home pregnancy test – and it came out positive. Now, we have talked about having a 3rd, and we even both agreed that we wanted a 3rd…eventually. The fact that it is now going to happen way sooner than we planned, well…I don’t quite know how to feel about that.

On the one hand, I am really happy about it! I love my partner, I love our family, and I feel that any child we bring into the family will only bring more happiness and joy. Ultimately, this is a good thing. who doesn’t love a baby? On the other hand, the thought of sleep deprivation, the loss of my now fit size 4 body, the fact that I need to purchase a larger vehicle, and just generally the feeling of “how in the hell am I going to handle 3 freaking kids?????” scares me half to death.

Hormonally, I’m a total mess, laughing, crying…its ridiculous. I realize that in the scheme of things, 3 kids isn’t a huge amount. I actually have a cousin that has 7! and no plans to stop. I think she’s totally nuts. One thing my partner and I did decide on, is that after this baby, we are not having any more. He has opted for a vasectomy, and I am fully supportive. So, with that decision made, and knowing that this will truly be my last pregnancy, I am going to allow myself to be happy about it, and I am determined to actually ENJOY this pregnancy. I view it as kind of a challenge. This decision still weighs heavily on me at the moment though. It is still very early on, and I’m just now starting the throws of morning sickness. fun times.

I guess if I’ve learned anything about my life, it’s that there really has never been the “right” time to have a baby….If I waited until what I thought was the “right” time, I probably wouldn’t have any kids yet.

I’m sure most of my family & friends will be shocked when I tell them. They can think what they will, I’m happy, and I really don’t have anything to prove at this point. :)

samantha July 17, 2012 at 5:32 am

@Ashley C. First, congratulations! And Yes! Yes to everything you said. I think my biggest con, like yours, is the fact that I’m finally getting some freedom and have a little bit of a life back. And the biggest pro is that I crave a big family. I’m thinking into the future here, like way into the future, when their married and have kids and we have huge family gatherings. I want to be surrounded by family for the rest of my life. Yea, and the car…wtf….and the body!!! That’s what I’m saying, the pros vs cons are so close on this one. But good for you. I’m sure it will be a little crazy but I think in the long run your life will be so beautiful and fulfilling. Good for you! You better enjoy the pregnancy…..make the most of it, rock it. I’ll be checking back in with you! We need to know everything. XO

Mary Mary July 17, 2012 at 9:09 am

Long time reader, first time commenter.

I always knew I wanted three. As soon as we had one, I wanted her to have a brother or sister to have at her side. I have 2 brothers and they are still my closest pals, particularly my younger brother. I couldn’t imagine not allowing for my kids to have those same relationships.

It definitely has its challenges, but I think every stage, no matter how many kids you have, will be challenging. I thought going from 0 to 1 was definitely the hardest. Your life changes so much. Adding more kids to the mix can be tough at times, but you already know what you are getting yourself into. And you’re more prepared for it now.

Having time for yourself is unbelievably important. Being able to feel like and be an accomplished person makes us who we are, but if you’ve figured out how to make that time for yourself before you’ll be able to do it again.

For a while I felt like I was done now at 3 kids, but my 2 1/2 yr old starts nursery school in September and I can already imagine feeling the desire to have a 4th. As long as you are well supported (emotionally, physically) by your significant other (and having a nanny/grandma/grandpa around to help doesn’t hurt either) it’s not that difficult to have 3. I’m not saying its easy, but if you want it, you can totally do it.

It’s gotten a lot louder around here, but it’s totally worth it.

Ashley C. July 17, 2012 at 9:51 am

Thank you, thank you!! haha, I feel like this is totally crazy, but oh well, c’est la vie! I too come from a relatively small family, that is somewhat disconnected. Knowing what a great relationship I have with my parents now, totally makes me happy for the future, knowing that we are in the process of creating our own legacy.

Thank you again for you support and kind words. Life is a crazy ride, as much as you prepare, you never quite know what is around the corner!

vv July 17, 2012 at 6:44 pm

can i just say that I am from a family of five, and i love it. there is something about having a built in social support system that ive always been really grateful for and has made me want a big family. plus, i mean its nice to have that third sibling to act as the like mediator if there are ever arguments. and there are, always, between siblings.

so thats my two cents!

QAone July 18, 2012 at 11:09 am

Hey!! I think it shows that you’re a pretty awesome and capable Mom, if you can consider a 3rd wholeheartedly. Bravo! It’s not like you live in a small town and have no life. You’re in the most amazing and busiest city in the world and have so many side interests/businesses, and keep your cool as a mom. Fresh!

Emily July 19, 2012 at 4:48 am

I am with vv – not a mama yet myself, but I am from a family of 4 kids (pre-parents divorce), grown to 8 (with the steps and half siblings thrown in), and I just have to say, siblings make you rich in a way that nothing else can.

Nessienessa July 19, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I never thought I’d have kids. Then I got pregnant. After I had my daughter, almost immediately- I decided I wanted 3 kids. What?! Yeah I know, I’m a little crazy like that. Now that my kid is almost 3, I feel like we waited too long. IS this a crazy age gap we’re looking at? Not sure but she seems ready for a sibling. She’s offered her help so that’s reassuring. Do I still want 3? Yes. I , too, think about the future and the family gatherings and such. My husband and I both only have one sibling each and it kinda bums me out to know my kids only have one aunt and uncle on my husband’s side, and one aunt on my side. So yeah. Here’s to 3 mama….I just need to get started on #2. Hoping to get pregnant here soon so I can give birth in Guam when we move there next year! Cross your fingers!

Chrissy July 20, 2012 at 6:05 am

I have three kids! 6.5, almost 4, and 5.5 months.

I knew I wanted a second when i was pregnant with my first, a son.
I knew I wanted a third when i was pregnant with my second, a son.
I knew I wanted a FOURTH when i was pregnant with my third, a SON!
But alas, this shop is closed. THREE boys is absolute chaos. And we all know I’d end up with like 7 boys.

PS – My last baby was 11.5lbs, born at home, on purpose, in my bathtub. My abs are DEEEstroyed. Muscle repair in 2 weeks so there’s no going back on this decision. I can always adopt right?!

Rdizzle July 22, 2012 at 11:35 am

ok so, this is where i actually get to admit anonymously that i really, really, reaaaaally would love to have a 3rd child. BD would have a freaking coronary if i were to get pregnant again, but OMG i LONG to have another. i lie every time people ask if we’re done or plan to have another- “totally done” “uterus is out of business” “no way we’re having another” “my body couldnt handle another pregnancy” etc. and now that i think about it, i think i say that shit to TRY to convince myself and to reassure BD that i dont want another. we have an almost 4 year old boy and a 8 month old girl and as blessed as i know we are, i just have a feeling deep down that our family is not complete and that i really want another.

Sam, i totally get where youre coming from when thinking about the future. i grew up in a HUGE and very loud filipino family. i only have one brother, but have like a million cousins who are all very, very close. i love having a huge family and want the same for my children and hopefully someday for my grandchildren. i want there to always be an abundance of family, love, and the craziness that comes with it. good luck in making your decision. im totally biased, so i say YES, go for it! plus, you guys make really good-looking babies (been following your blog since day 1), it’ll be awesome to see another beautiful baby grow up on this blog!

Sheila July 22, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Single mom of 3 here. 13, 11 and almost 8. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about how much easier my life would be if I didn’t have the third. As horrible as that sounds, I’m just being honest. My first 2 are boys and my last is a girl. She’s my best bud. She gets me like no other. She’s a force and she’s super fierce. I love her dearly. But damn, my life would be smooth sailing, relatively speaking, if I had stuck with my 2. It actually wasn’t so bad when they were all younger because I was in the thick of it then, anyway. It was like, yeah, so what if I have another baby to take care of? I’m already up to my eyeballs in strollers, preschools and sippy cups, anyway. It wasn’t until my first 2 were in elementary school and I was still doing the preschool thing that I realized how much more work it was to have this third kid.

Pretty sure I’m not weighing in on either side of the debate because I don’t see how you can! She’s awesome. I can’t imagine my life or family without her. But DAMN…would things be easier right now if I had stuck with my two. It pains me to think about it sometimes.

ak July 24, 2012 at 6:42 am

ask your nanny, i bet she knows your kids way more then you

Samantha July 24, 2012 at 7:45 am

@ak I don’t have a nanny. Soooo close to making me feel bad. Try again!v

vv July 24, 2012 at 11:55 am

@ak – what the fuck is your problem ? i was in such a good mood and you just bummed me out.

and. it’s “than” – because you are making a comparison. When you are talking about a noun (thing, person, place or concept) being more, less, better, cooler, dumber, etc. in relation to another noun… you use “than.”

i’m happy we were able to get something productive out of that.

kacie July 24, 2012 at 7:08 pm

sam you have no place correcting her when you make plenty of spelling and grammar errors on your own blog. but she obviously had no reason to write something so rude either.

samantha July 25, 2012 at 7:01 am

@kacie I didn’t correct her VV did. I do this for fun and I do the best that I can not being a formally trained writer. Check the comment above.

Batmama August 5, 2012 at 10:56 am

Sam that’s great news that ur kinda trying-ish ! You make such gorgeous kids and are a great mammy! Go for it! We’re pretty sure that we’re stopping the the one, hubster always wanted just one and I just wanted to be a mother and had never thought about how many. Alfie is 2 now and I still couldn’t imagine goin through a pregnancy with a toddler, but thats the least of my concerns, for us it would come down to practicalities of us not being able to afford another child and provide the way I want like private health insurance and maybe college etc . I adore kids and work part time as a nanny and my son comes with , Id lose that job if I
Had another plus we don’t really have the space and I suffered with pnd and anixity disorder all of which is under control now so I’d be fearful of rocking the boat! It’s such a personal decision and everyone tells us u can’t only have one !! Well yes actually fuck u I can ;) go forth and multiply hipstermom!! Xxxxx what’s with the trolls in the comments above??? Cunts

mom August 8, 2012 at 8:49 am

Funny because my husband and I were talking about having a third too. BUT another mom of four gave us some advice that made a lot of sense. She said, “If you have three, you might as well have twenty.” You will need a bigger vehicle, house…everything. I understand her point but I still have those feelings of wanting another one :\

Catherine August 12, 2012 at 6:22 pm

I’ve got two arms and hands, I ain’t having more than two!

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