Recently I went on a family vacation and spent some time with a bunch family members that I don’t see very often. While I was chatting with one of my cousins she mentioned that my aunt always said that I was a bad girl. I wasn’t shocked to hear that I got that label. I’ve always been daring. For a long time my life was filled with thrills and debauchery. I’ve escaped the long arm of the law (just barely) on many occasions. I spent a few years flying around on the back of a motorcycle with my boyfriend (turned husband) and his motorcycle crew (Legion of Doom). Their leaders name was Lucifer, just sayin’. I’ve partied along side Michael Allig at Disco 2000. I’ve lived in big cities and small towns. I published a magazine with a group of amazingly talented girls. I owned a boutique. I was proposed to at dusk overlooking the Brooklyn Bridge. I got married at City Hall in New York City. I’ve given birth to two beautiful kids. And that’s the super short list. So now, in someways, I feel like it’s all come to a grinding hault.
Don’t get me wrong, I am happy and so grateful for every single thing that I have, but the excitement feels like it’s behind me. Which for a person who’s been on full throttle since, oh say eleven, that’s an adjustment. I supposed it takes some getting used to. But I have to wonder, is the thrill really gone? One thing I know for sure is that my idea of excitement needs to change. Maybe I need to take up dirt biking or travel to distant lands, because the kind of excitement that I’ve indulged in for most of my life is not appropriate, or possible, with 2 kids. If anyone else feels this way raise your hand. How do we reinvent thrill seeking? What can get us so excited that the synapses in our brains are having a spazz attack like they used to? Because I miss that! Or are we supposed to pass the torch to the next generation and calm the fuck down? Please, someone answer me this, how do we moms get our kicks?
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
What I do is I take one day out of the month and act like I don’t have a 9 year old or any responsibility in the world and then the next morning I am grateful I don’t live the fast life anymore
I battle with this frequently. I’m a single Mom and the way I used to kick it prior to my son is not cool any longer. Lately I find satisfaction in spending too much money err someone else’s on fancy dinners and good wine (lame!). I don’t think there is any one way to answer this question, but the older my son get’s I seem to have mellowed out somehow.
I also agree with @Runninginchanel, anytime I do act like it’s 1999 the hangover I get the following day reminds me of how lucky I feel to have mellowed out…
@Melissa & @runninginchanel Yea, but I’m looking for the excitement without the hangover…even though most of what I used to do came hand and hand with one. I need adrenaline! I need to feel like I’m doing something a little dangerous….that’s the kind of thrill I’m looking for.
Oh god, i know just how you feel. It’s a weird thing, having to basically change your identity when you have kids. We just found out that we’re having our second, and somehow it feels like a much bigger commitment to being a responsible/boring/suburban adult.
Maybe we need an all-moms robbery ring? robbing banks: exciting AND lucrative!
Welcome to the real world. The kind of excitement you are talking about flitters away like a butterfly in the wind. You just can’t have it for the duration. I spend alot of time daydreaming about those hazy crazy days. Everything was a first! I think that it is just the rythym of life. You gotta be happy where it all led you though. When you have kids (and grandkids) and family and a great husband you find other things to fill your life. It just changes! You are a lucky girl! Try a trip to the Pleasure Chest! Do things with BD together. That’s what it’s all about!
ps i wouldn’t try the bank robbery thing though. unless of course you like looking at the world through bars!!! ha
oh girl, i feel you. im (recently) single and have been hitting the town a bit more and i just feel like its never the same. there is a level of guilt to cutting loose that just well…makes it no longer as loose, if that makes sense? i feel a lot of pressure to behave like a “mom” but ive always been a bad girl at heart. if you can figure out how to balance the two worlds let me know cause as of now, im at a loss.
@adriana I sorry to hear about your status…or am I? I have no idea what the circumstances were. But I know from reading your blog that you are one tough (not to mention beautiful) cookie. I can only imagine re-entering the dating world! Sound challenging, crazy and fun. Stay your awesome badass self and you’ll be just fine.
Hi Samantha
I can really relate to you. First of all I’v done most of what is on your list ( we must have met at least once sometime in the past) Boutique check ,Disco 2000 check, my stuff was even in your mag a couple of times. Needless to say I am totally on the same boat as you.
My own solution is to capture my creative being back from creating babies to creating product , art, etc . With that shift back to my old creative self I hope to get back some of the thrill of years past.
I know from following your blog that you are on the same journey , I say just keep at it and you’ll hit that sweet spot where everything is in balance , work, creativity and family. And with balance a new kind of rush will hopefully satisfy us, one that is different from the highs of youth, a calmer wiser high .